I REALLY NEED TO GET LAID ALREADY JFC IT'S BEEN LIKE TWO MONTHS

Two things, both directed toward those of us who live on or near the lake:

(1) A pretty busted looking rowboat got tangled up in the weeds at the end of my dock this morning. It looks like it used to have red paint, but it's pretty faded. Nothing was in it but some tarp and a SINGLE OAR. I suspect foul play. Does it belong to any of you?

(b) I'm gonna sign up for sailing lessons over in Portland. I AM DOING THIS, PEOPLE. Anyone want to go in on this with me? We can share a boat and shit. It's gonna be a couple hundred dollars, and lessons happen on weekends. Part of me hopes they happen in the parking lot instead of on water, like that one Community episode.

Here are details.

I especially liked this part: "At the end of the second day students will take part in a Confidence Sail, in which the students sail without their instructor."

CONFIDENCE SAIL



edit: Jane, you should change your derby name to CONFIDENCE SAIL

MY BABY IS FLOODING

A CAPTAIN ALWAYS GOES DOWN WITH HIS SHIP

GENTLEMEN (AND GENTLEWOMEN) IT HAS BEEN AN HONOR AND A PRIVILEGE SERVING WITH YOU--------

I want Hume family updates, right now.

Where are you guys, what are you doing, are you in need of emergency assistance?

Ha ha ha

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

hahahahahhahahahahhahahahahhahahahahdhfkdashkfdasffjjdaslfa

The fact that, after October, I'm stuck in the hospital again is hilarious. I'm laughing. Who else is laughing? :(

At least I'm allowed to move freely this time. And I don't have to worry about my family and friends' safety. As much. DUDES, do not drive. I don't want to have to put you back together in emergency surgery tonight, 'kay?

In case anyone missed the memo, I am now 35-years-old. It's interesting! Knowing that in five years I'll be 40 is definitely...interesting.

I wonder when my midlife crisis is going to kick in! And in what way it'll manifest. How many red sports cars will I buy? How many tattoos will I get? I DON'T KNOW. It's all a mystery. But I'll probably just buy a sailboat?

But the most important thing this age milestone has got me thinking about is my lifelong dream of cycling across the country. DID YOU KNOW that my father was planning to do the same thing in 1976 but had to cancel because I was gestating in my mother's womb? It's true! Now I have to finish what he started.

The whole trip, riding from Astoria to Virginia, will take about two months overall, so this thing takes a lot of pre-planning. I'm gonna go into work and discuss sabbaticals tomorrow. Big steps! And that's just one of many. This shit is going to take months and months of physical training. I probably won't be able to pull it off this year. But maybe 2013.

...............if the world hasn't ended first.

I forgot how gr8 it is spending Christmas in Vail. I can ski, like, every day. I've been skiing, like, every day. Other things that have been happening:

-I almost cracked my tailbone ice skating (this is why I never joined the hockey team)
-Jane got me the best present ever (thank you, Jane)
-I used to think the people visiting the village here were all really old and now they don't look so old anymore. I'd like to think it's because this vacation destination is skewing younger but I think it's just because I'm turning 35 in two weeks.
-P.S. My birthday is in two weeks (January 10th)
-Jane's not as bad at skiing as she thinks she is
-I still prefer skiing to snowboarding
-Skiing
-Jane and I are having a ton of sex which is basically awesome
-I'm realizing I really needed a real vacation. I haven't gone anywhere since Jack's wedding and that was just about a year ago

AND TO MY FAMILY, in case any of you forgot when I called last night before dinner, I do miss you you guys and I'm sorry I can't be home. Well, mostly sorry.

We're flying back tomorrow! :'''''''''''''''''''(

You guys better be participating in the date auction. It benefits the Children's Wing of the hospital. You know, where three of us work? I wanna see all of you in on this, buying or selling. I'm sure we'll go for ridiculous amounts of cash. I mean, have you looked at us?

Speaking of our incredible genes, you might have heard that the parents who gave us those had to cancel their trip to Vail. I'm taking their reservation and going with Jane Koala, so unfortunately I won't be around for Christmas. As Deputy Eldest Sibling, I expect Janet to fill my shoes as best she can.

xoxo,
Scott

Heyheyheyheyhey quick quick find out if there's any way you can take off Dec 23-27. PLEASE EXPEDITE

Friends, family:

Vera is moving to New York so we have broken up. Just figured this was the easiest way to let you all know, although I am open to have an article written about me in the Heritage Herald if any reporters are interested. (But that's pretty much just a permanent standing offer.)

Love,
Scott

I think it's safe to say that bike short season is officially over.

okay seriously i would appreciate it if this shit would stop now

so this stopped being "fun"

Jane's in isolation.

Dear Room 2,

As you can see, I came into this thing equipped with a lot of electronic devices (thanks and RIP Steve Jobs). One of those devices is my MacBook Pro with a Mini DisplayPort RCA adapter (ask your local RadioShack) so I can totes hook into one of our room's trusty televisions.

So my question to you guys is:

What do you want to watch on Netflix streaming?

ALSO if you think you're feeling unwell in any way (or just have questions) please don't hesitate to come talk to me or Hank or Jane and we can do our best to help.

Thx,
Dr. Scott

[Private to Jack Panda, somewhere on the outside]
Hey. I'm keeping an eye on Jane, don't worry. And if I can get anything out of anyone re: Wally, I'll let you know, but I'm sure Edi's in a better position to do that right now.

Also can you pick up my bike and take it home for me? It's locked up. Do you have bolt cutters?
[/Private]

help.

[Private to Everett]

DUDE. Connor just told me that our Baby Robot Sister asked him out on a date.

Raccoons have been hitting my garbage cans. I've been pissed about it, but I just heard them again and went to check 'em out in action. The only one I found was like this little baby. It was dragging away a banana peel. I tried to get a picture of it with my phone, but it scurried away before I got a chance. But before it left, it warmed my heart.

Now I've just gotta clean up the piles of trash it and its buddies left everywhere. Unhappy smiley face.

Hey, look what I found when I was perusing the August 3 Wikipedia page (a completely normal activity that didn't have anything to do with anyone's birthday being today):